Alright, so we know life is going to challenge us. We know we are going to be faced with obstacles, and we will have to deal with problems. That’s a given. But what do we do when they come? Do we rise to the challenge or do we fall? Do we face it head on or do we run and hide? Do we see that it’s helping us or think that life is just against us? Do we accept it and figure out what we can do about it or do we look for who we can blame for it? It can be tough to battle the hard knocks life throws at us.
The slaps in the face, the gut punches, the kick ya when you’re downs, the run your ass over with a semi truck, that backs up and does it again, just to finish the job…Sorry. I got a little carried away with that. HaHa. But it’s true. It can be tough to pick yourself up every time you get knocked down. We have to know that every test or challenge is what makes us who we are. We might not know our strengths or resilience without overcoming our struggles. I know a lot of people want to point blame at something or someone to justify why their life is not working. Some may find it easier to make excuses for why they stay stuck.
We see this everywhere! It’s in politics, social injustice, racism, corporate America.. It’s all over the place!! BUT… the choice is always ours. How do YOU want to be? Do you want to blame, complain, be an angry victim and miserable? Trying to control what you can’t? Or.. Do you want to be resilient, strong, confident, happy, and winning at life? Taking control of what you can, your life and your actions. I have been knocked down more times than I can count. There have been times that I did want to crawl into a corner, scrunch up into the fetal position and give up! But.. every time, I pick myself up, dust off my hiney, adjust my crown, and spread my tattered wings, and rise again. Keeping focus on the silver lining and the benefit of everything. Each time, soaring to a new level of self awareness, confidence and possibility. What’s your choice? Victim or Victor?
I spent a lot of time convincing myself why the relationship I was in, was what I wanted. Why I should try harder… Why I should stay. Relationships have a way of making you think something is wrong with you. I think women especially, have a tendency to think that way. We have a tendency to hold onto hope. For a vision of how we want it to be, how we think it should be and ignore how it actually is. We hold onto seeing the potential vs. the reality. Potential, that the other may not even see, let alone have any intention of fulfilling. It isn’t even fair to them, to paint them into a picture, that they don’t want, or are even capable of being in. We make excuses and talk ourselves into things because, Damnit, we want it to work! Not paying attention to the glaring truth that it’s not. Maybe you aren’t valued or appreciated.
Maybe you’re being physically or emotionally abused or treated poorly.
Maybe the reason you got together made sense at the time, but doesn’t anymore. Sometimes we get entangled with someone for one reason and we try to make it be for that reason forever, when it wasn’t meant to. People are meant to grow, change and evolve. I think it’s great and possible to grow together, if you are both willing and can own your part in it. But I think most just stay stuck and pretend it’s something when it’s not. I think the heart always knows. We just need to learn to listen to it. Be honest with ourselves about our value and worth. About what we want and what we don’t. It hurts me to know how much time I spent believing in someone’s potential instead of their actions. I won’t say it was a waste of time, because I learned a lot. About myself, about relationships, about looking within and doing my own inner work. Which opened me up to receive something profound. All of that got me to a point of knowing my worth and realizing the difference between actual and potential, hope and denial, struggle and ease. Which is an important step that lead me to know without a doubt, I was with someone real, who was meant to be, for all the right reasons. Seeing now that it is possible to be in a relationship where you are loved and accepted for who you are. Where you don’t have to make excuses for them, or for yourself and why you’re still there. It can be supportive and safe, beautiful and effortless.
When finally what I waited a lifetime to find, I was able to find in a moment with someone else. In love and light and finding your moment!
And of course, the famous declaration of Karma is a bitch…right?
I have a love/hate relationship with the use of the word karma.
I find it hilarious actually, that the ones that hide behind the stance of karma is a bitch, are usually the ones that have the most vicious kind coming to them.
They believe by saying it, loudly, at someone’s behavior, it’ll somehow bypass them, by pointing the blame at someone else. “She did it!!!” Like a 3 year old kid, directing karma where to go. Ha Ha. I’m not sure that’s how it works… However, that being said, I do believe karma is real. Good things do happen to good people, not to those that just pretend to be.
Sometimes, those most deserving of a good dose of karmic punishment, don’t ever seem to get it. At least in our eyes. But that’s not our call. It’s not up to us. We can’t be sitting around and waiting, trying to tip the scale of karmic justice. So instead, I choose to believe in kindness.
I believe in love.
I believe in trying to do your best and be your best every day.
I believe in inspiration and uplifting others.
I believe in allowing people to be who they are.
And the beautiful thing is, I believe we always have a choice on who gets to be in our lives, and who doesn’t. Therefore, removing the need to be the karma police. So, whether you believe in karma or not…Or feel you have been designated as the authority on who goes to karma purgatory…Or you feel like karma has something against you.. It’s never too late to be kind, to yourself and others. To see the humanness in everyone. To start attracting the things you want in your life .And just trying to BE better, every day and in every way. In love and light
There are certain people you meet at certain times or stages in your life. People you need in that moment. People that support you. People that test you, and people that teach you.
The saying that you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince, is also true.
You learn along the way what you do and do not want. You learn what’s important to you. You become clear on what you will and will not tolerate. That goes for all relationships, romantic, friendships, and acquaintances. Even how you are treated by the person at the grocery store!
So yes, it takes time to experience all the lessons and learn from each person you meet. When you get to the point of knowing who you are and are clear of what you want, time allows your heart to open for the most profound relationships to enter.
The Heart…
The heart has it’s own process. Throughout life, your heart takes a beating. First loves, heartbreaks, rejections, beginnings and endings, devastations and loss, profound love and joy, to name a few.
We experience a roller coaster of emotions. It’s no wonder we build walls around our hearts. For protection, for our survival, to keep us safe. We start becoming very guarded and picky about who we allow into our hearts and our lives. The more we learn to trust ourselves, the more we allow our hearts to open to the people that can hold it safely. Your heart always knows what it wants. The challenge is in learning to trust it.
Behavior…
After time, and learning to open and trust your heart, you have brought these people to you, that you want or need on some level. This is where you truly appreciate those that enrich your life. Acknowledging and recognizing where you can take responsibility for yourself, your “stuff,” and not project it onto them.
Wounds are going to come up. Relationships are a surefire way to present triggers, and for past “crap” to reappear. It’s what we do with that, determines how well our relationships can thrive. You have to meet each other where you are. Allow, grow, and accept each other just as you are. Learning to know, and be honest with yourself, and them, about who that is.
Slapping others with your expectations and demands, is not healthy. Not seeing them as your equal, is not healthy. Having to walk on eggshells because you don’t know what’s going to set them off, is not healthy. Not appreciating each other, is not healthy.
Relationships are about love, honesty, and respect. Allowing the other to be free to be themselves. Truly appreciating them for who they are, how they are, and the many blessings they bring into your life.
When I first saw this quote, I just had to laugh….Hard! We all know that someone or maybe several someones that just make you shake your head and say…Really??! But they’re really committed to it, so it’s like, Wow! At least they’re really good at something! To understand someone’s mind is not something easily done. So you might as well just stop trying. Let’s face it, there are some delusional, hateful, hurtful and narcissistic people out there. People who lie to get what they want. Even worse, the ones that believe their own lies and manipulate others to better themselves. It’s hard to be the bigger person when you have people like that around you. I know, because I had to deal with some very judgmental, very delusional, and hateful people strongly in my face the last couple years. I saw first hand how ugly people can be.
I experienced the whole handbag of vicious behavior, from stalking, to defamation of character, invasion of privacy, threats, lies, deceit, manipulation, egotistical control.. just to name a few… Lol. That handbag apparently had no bottom to it! The list could go on and on, but it was a series of non stop, repugnant behavior, yes, repugnant. That’s a strong word. An awful, but beautiful word that encapsulates the picture I’m trying to paint. Even after all of that, I think the hardest part was watching the tsunami of pain and anger affect the innocent ones, the distasteful way they hurt family and friends. I can take a bit of crazy, but that’s a low blow. It truly broke my heart. Taking friends, family, and everyone down around them with their pain. Which is what all of that is about anyway. They are acting from their own pain, their own insecurities. It’s not about me. They may not be able to see their own stuff, or know how to take responsibility for it. That’s all they know. I do believe everyone does the best they can with what they know. So, moral of the story, you may not like or understand the specific kind of crazy in your life or out in the world, but that is not your business, that is not your problem. It starts with you. Be what you want to see in the world. Be someone you can be proud of. Admire their commitment to their crazy and use it for inspiration to combat it with equal velocity of love, kindness and beauty.
There are many teachings about this concept. And I think the simplicity of that statement is understood on some level. But…I have had a really hard time truly understanding this concept. If that were true… I would be a sky diving, bungee jumping, lunging from buildings, risk taking freak show! I know fear. I mean I Knoooow fear.
I have a deep intimate relationship with fear that some could consider unhealthy. LOL.
So why then, am I not some insane, thrill seeking, adrenaline junkie? The teachings all say that you can’t experience one without the other.
You can’t see light without the dark.
You can’t know one thing without knowing its opposite. I get the idea of contrast. I get that things would always be the same without it. What I don’t get, is after knowing decades of fear, why is it that I don’t yet know, what it is to be fearless? Maybe it’s my definition of the word fearless? Maybe I discount all the times I have been fearless because it wasn’t what I thought it should look like or I wasn’t, at the times I needed to be the most? Maybe it’s bringing me to be grateful and notice all the times I was? When all I want to do is push away the times that I am not, maybe it’s asking me to really appreciate the difference? To notice the strength it took. To notice my resilience in the times I overcame a fear or obstacle. Noticing that, in that moment, I AM Fearless.
In love and light and knowing the difference.
I’m curious, what does this quote mean to you? What is your understanding of it? I would love to hear different view points and maybe more clarity into my own understanding. Leave a comment and explore this meaning with me.
This is a very relatable quote in my life. I’m the type of person that needs to see the whole picture. I need to know the outcome of any given situation, before I can move forward. And, I must admit, even then, it’s still hard to move forward. Doubts, insecurities, and what if questions come flooding in. I want to know the answer before I even know the question! I want to know the outcome before I even take the first step. Looking at things this way can be extremely overwhelming! For crying out loud, look at all of those steps! That staircase is massive!! How will I ever get to the top?! It’s no wonder that climb is intimidating. No wonder things don’t get accomplished. And no wonder I stay exactly where I am. Not to mention, going about life and goals this way, sure takes away the magic and surprises of your day to day experiences. So, my challenge is to take away the whole staircase. It’s a little less daunting that way. Take away the how, and the outcome, and just focus on the first step. What’s one thing I can do right now that moves me in the direction I want to go? Take that one step, which will then unfold into the next step and the next. Before you know it you’ll be at the top of that staircase, looking down, surprised and rewarded with how far you’ve come. Allowing the best outcomes to reveal themselves one step at a time.
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What Does it Mean to be Grounded?
To some people growing up, the term being “grounded” means being in trouble. A consequence or punishment for your actions or behaviors. For adults, and those of us that are in tune with our more spiritual nature, being grounded means being in your body. Having a secure connection to the Earth and a feeling of being more centered.
I’m sure you’ve experienced times when you feel:
Distracted
You can’t focus
Scattered
Dizzy or flighty feeling
Your energy is drained
Stressed, or
Overwhelmed
These are just a few examples of what it’s like to be ungrounded.
The Miraculous Feeling of Being Grounded
When you are in tune with you body and feel that connection, you can feel:
More centered
Focused
Motivated
Inspired
Calm
Energized
And Productive
Boosts Immune system
Fights Inflammation
So How Do You Become Grounded??
Now that we all know the benefits, and want to have more focus, drive, and presence in our lives. How do we get there?
There are several ways to do this.
However, I will focus on my top 5 go-tos:
5 Ways to Become More Grounded in Your Body
Breathe.
As simple and automatic as this may sound, if you actually took a moment to realize your breath, you would be surprised to notice how shallow your breathing is. You might even be holding your breath.
Just the act of noticing your breath might be enough to instigate a natural deep inhale, right now! But if you need a little more help,
I enjoy the 5 block process. As you inhale, count to 5, hold your breath for 5, exhale for 5 (or longer if you can), hold for 5 and repeat. Do this at least 5 times or longer if you’d like. I always feel a deep sense of calm after a round of deep controlled breathing.
Earthing
Just as it sounds, getting down and dirty with the earth! Whether that’s walking barefoot in the grass, or sand, or squishing mud between your toes. You could play in the dirt, plant something or weed your garden.
When you make physical contact (skin to Earth) you receive Earths’ negative charged energy that your body then absorbs through your feet or hands. This energy counter attacks the body’s positive charged energy, caused by stress and today’s overwhelming to do lists and emotional uncertainties.
Feel the cool grass on the soles of your feet, the blades tickling your toes, the dampness, and the solid foundation of energy rising up and rooting you to its core. The result will be a centered, calming effect.
Meditation
There are so many different ways to meditate. Some claim they can’t do it, while others can sit and meditate for hours. It doesn’t matter how. Most likely you are, or have done it without even knowing it!
When we think of meditation, we think chimes, bells, soft music, candles, sage, cross legged position, and a complete zen like experience. While that is all wonderful, it doesn’t have to be that way.
There are ways to meditate by walking, breathing (see #1 above), raking leaves, gardening, etc. Whatever it takes to get you in the present moment. Where you can clear your mind and be fully in tune to what you are doing. You’re not thinking about the past or the future, just right here and right now.
Ever wonder how you can solve all of life’s problems in the shower? Why you automatically have a sense of peace and calm when you are in nature? You’re not trying to solve, think or fix your problems. The answers just come. This happens when you are in a centered, calm, grounded and peaceful place.
Energy Medicine
When I took Donna Eden’s Energy Medicine course, I was hooked. Energy Medicine is the ability to work with your own energy for healing, balance, and grounding. Plus, there are so many ways of working with the body’s different imbalances, I was fascinated by it all! There are many, many ways to ground yourself using Energy Medicine. I will share a couple of the simpler ones with you. If you find you are just as amazed by this process as I am, I encourage you to check out her book here!
Triple Warmer– Along with feeling grounded, this can have a mental, physical and emotional impact on the body. It can also help get you out of the flight, fight or freeze response.
Step 1
Step 2
Step 3
Step 3
Step 1. Start with your fingers over your eyes. Inhale.
Step 2. As you exhale, sweep your fingers across your eyes, and rest on your temples.
Step 3. With your next inhale, drag your fingers up over and behind your ears, and exhale as you slide them down the sides of your neck and throat and come to rest on your chest (heart Chakra).
Step 4. Take another deep breath here.
Belt Flow– This is also good for hormones and digestion, in addition to feeling grounded and balanced.
Step 1
Step 2
Step 3
Step 1. Take your right hand and reach as far as you can to the right side of your back. (closest to the spine). Take your left hand, across your body to join with the right hand.
Step 2. Press firmly and smoothly, pulling your hands forward, towards your belly, with your right hand chasing your left (as if you were smoothing out your belt) all the way across to your left hip.
Step 3. Take both hands down your left leg and out your feet. Throw the energy away like you are taking off your sock. Then repeat for the other side.
Wayne Cook’s Hook up– This will take you out of overwhelm and focus your mind.
Step 1
Step 2
Step 3
Step 1. Extend your left hand in front of you, twist your palm facing out. Cross your right hand over your left wrist. Palms should be facing each other. Interlock your fingers.
Step 2. Duck your hands forward and under towards your belly, and up against your chest. Cross your ankles, if you are sitting.
Step3. Take 4 slow, deep breaths, in through your nose, out through your mouth.
Yoga
I have done yoga for over 15 years. Yoga for me, does not mean holding myself up by my pinky, as I rest my knees on my elbows, upside down. Or being able to put my leg behind my head. For me, the benefits of yoga come from the breathing, through and with the movement. The stretch, the calm, and the flow.
There are many simple poses in yoga that can give you the feeling of being more grounded in your body. –without the prerequisite of being a contortionist.–
Mountain pose (Tadasana)
The most important thing to do is make sure your weight is evenly distributed onto your feet.
Spine is straight, shoulder blades back, pelvis is neutral.
Envision your tailbone dropping into the earth beneath you.
See the roots of a tree extend from your root chakra deep into the earth as it roots you.
Downward Facing Dog (Adho Mukha Svanasana)
Feet and hips should be shoulder width apart.
Rooting into the earth with your hands and feet.
Sink back into your heels, while keeping your hands in position with the ground.
Breathe into the stretch.
Tree Pose (Vrksasana)
Balance is a little more key here. Try focusing on a spot in front of you.
Use the tree roots example in the Mountain pose description.
Feel your whole body stretch up towards the sky and down into the earth.
Breathe.
Savasana
This is the easy one. If you know how to nap, you know how to do this one.
All you need to do is adjust your shoulder blades down your back, relax your hips, legs and feet.
Take a deep relaxing breath and feel your body sink into and feel the full support of the Earth beneath you.
I hope that you find these to be easy practices to incorporate into your daily routine.
If we can feel more grounded, everything else on our to do lists and in our life can be handled and accomplished. Coming at it from a place of ease and peace. Namaste.
Since I have been home these last couple of months, I’ve been able to reprioritize my life. I’ve been doing more beneficial things for myself, such as:
Self Care Practices
Creating soothing and comforting spaces in and around my home
Writing more
Eating and expanding my healthy food choices to keep David’s and my immune system strong.
David’s day usually starts at 1 am and he works 12-14 hours a day.
Before our paths crossed he would survive on coffee and sunflower seeds until dinner…
Not anymore!!
Not on my watch!
So now, every Sunday (usually) I dedicate a couple hours to washing, prepping and cutting up vegetables
I usually try to incorporate 3-4 servings of vegetables, 1 or 2 fruits, a grain (oats), a protein and a healthy fat.
Chicken, turkey and avocado, chicken or tuna salad, nuts or peanut butter with his celery are my usual go-tos for the protein and healthy fats.
The green tea provides him with beneficial antioxidants.
All of that sums up to be vitamin and nutrient rich deliciousness with sustainability to get him through his day.
And he loves me for it, because he feels amazing!
Now before you go off to accuse me of being a 1950’s housewife, where a woman’s place is barefoot and in the kitchen…
I can almost hear the screams of the equal rights and girl power activists now…I do it because I want to. Not because it’s expected of me or I have to.
It feels good to take care of and keep my guy healthy in that way. He takes care of me in so many ways. We take care of each other. Healthy bodies, healthy minds and a healthy relationship. It doesn’t get much better than that!
I know we have all had to adjust our lives some. Finding our new normal, when we were suddenly hit with change and uncertainty. All of a sudden the world was shutting down and we were overwhelmed with fear and questioning our very survival.
Though we were all affected by the same pandemic, our experience varied greatly depending on the way it affected us.
Some, unfortunately had to battle the virus or knew a loved one or someone who did. The first responders and medical community, who were, and always have been, the ‘heroes,’ were now being inundated and challenged to their very core.
Jobs were lost and businesses closed. Some jobs that were considered thankless or less than before, were now “essential” and expected to stand at the front lines selflessly providing for their communities that were panicking and breaking down. i.e. grocery workers, truck drivers, trash service, restaurant staff, etc.
Some people hunkered down and hated it, while others saw it as a much needed vacation and loved it!
Me, being an introvert, I had been training for this my whole life!!
To have the opportunity to not have to go out?! Are you kidding me??
To be able to avoid the energy attack of others on a daily basis?? Sign me up!
To have the chance to do all the self care practices that are so important for my well being?? Yes, please.
To finally take a pause and truly listen to myself about who I am, where I was, and who and how I want to be, going forward. To be able to look at life differently. Stop chasing my own tail. Get off the road to burn out that I was on, and stop defaulting to just being on automatic pilot.
Not that everyday was sunshine and daisies. During this time, I had my fair share of anxiety, fear of the unknown and uncertainty. My own resistance got in my way on several occasions. Some days, it would not allow me to take in the full opportunity that the gift of stillness was offering me.
But, in those pure, sweet, precious moments where I could fully sink into that peace, and finally feel my feet planted firmly on the ground, I could see myself again. I could listen. Reassess my direction and what I really want to be doing with my time and energy. In these moments, my life whispers to me, welcome home sweetheart.
And I can’t help but wonder, how will I ever go back? But most importantly, why would I want to?
When everything you’ve always wanted is standing right in front of you…
When your wishes and dreamscancome true…
That is when fear decides to raise its ugly head.
Is it because all of those things remove you from your reality as you know it? Whether your reality is good or bad or somewhere in between, at least you know what to expect from it. Youknowhow to navigate it.
Is it because now you have something to lose? Can you handle the disappointment, the let down, the agonizing heartbreak (once again) if you lose it all?
Is it because you don’t think you are worthy or deserve it? And why is that? Who says? What ever gave you the idea that you deserve less than what you’ve always wanted? And why have you always reached for and settled for things that were so small?
Is it just plain self sabotage? You tell yourself, ‘Let’s just break this possibility before it breaks me.’
Is it simply because you’ve made it out to be so much more than it actually is? With that, comes so much pressure. What happens when reality sinks in? What happens when things aren’t perfect…when you’re not perfect? What if it’s not enough? What if you’re not enough?
Unfortunately, I don’t have the answers to these questions. I , myself, have fallen off course. But I do know, I’m not that far off course. I do know that these are just thoughts. Irrational thoughts maybe, and they don’t hold any truth. This is also the time that I know I need to honor myself, and these irrational thoughts and fears. Honor that they are very real for me. This is the time that I need to take a step back. A time to find my center of gravity. Allow myself to re- align with who I truly am. Get back on course. Not to fix a problem or even say that I have a problem, but just to simply allow space to let things naturally resolve themselves.
It might also be helpful to acknowledge that I am in the process of breaking down barriers and long held beliefs or patterns. To realize that I am not going backwards, but maybe just shedding another layer or two that will allow me to escalate to the next level. Hopefully once and for all, leaving behind what I used to know and all the pain that goes with it!
Fear can be very convincing and very debilitating. Fear can make you believe things that aren’t true. Fear can confuse your reality.
If we can allow ourselves to see through all the muck and the mud, see ourselves as valuable, worthy and capable, we can also allow ourselves to deflect those fears and insecurities, and the doubts that keep us stuck. Where finally, FINALLY, we can move forward with out the darkness and gloom, replacing it with excitement and hope for what’s to come. All the good we deserve to have and never allowed ourselves to see. Opening up to possibilities that we may have previously rejected.
Can you imagine the life you could have, if you knew you deserved to have it? And guess what? You do!! We all do! How remarkable!!
Another aspect of vulnerability I am challenged with is in relationships.
I am a very capable woman, and I like that about me. But it is a blessing and a curse. I like that I can take care of myself, that I can figure out most things, and that I don’t need someone to rescue me.
I have been running away from and towards things at the same velocity my whole life! With one foot on the gas and one on the brake. Running at full speed with a chain around my waist that’s bolted to a slab of concrete.
I have wants. I have desires. I have a longing for more. Every ounce of my being is aching for passion, to give in to reckless abandon. Cut the chains and limitations that hold me back. Forego all rules and responsibility.
To be vulnerable is not something that many people are good at. Nobody teaches you how to do this. In fact, we are not taught how to feel anything, let alone process our feelings.
I’ve got a rap sheet a mile long with ailments and health conditions. According to my mom, I came into this world with a cold. I was always crying because I didn’t feel good or I couldn’t breathe.
