If you didn’t read my last blog, How comfortable is your comfort zone? You can read that here. I took my own advice and set out on an adventure, practicing baby steps…
Travelling makes me uncomfortable. I don’t have many memories of great trips or experiences in my past. They are all clouded with car sickness, boat sickness, airplane sickness, and just plain sickness for no reason. Yay me!!
I do have some pretty funny memories of being so drugged up on Dramamine that I walked into the men’s bathroom instead of the women’s. But again, I was so drugged up, I wasn’t able to participate in the humor.
So needless to say, I don’t find travelling enjoyable, and have even developed a fear of it. But I am determined to push past the restriction of my own limitations, so I tested my ability.
There is a place I’ve gone a handful of times. It’s a small quaint mountain town, with it’s crisp fresh mountain air. It also has a few waterfalls, which absolutely draws me in. All things water speak to my soul.
So I decided this is where I was going to go. I make a plan, pack a few things for my day trip, and set out for the hour and a half drive to my destination. There are moments of anxiety as I drive and at each little town along the way, (there are 3) I strongly consider turning around. But no, I push on.
As I arrive, I feel a rush of excitement, relax and breathe in that fresh mountain air. I did it!!
My first stop is Waterfall X. I drive up this steep gravel road to the parking area and park, practically sideways on a slope. I remember the E-brake, and when I open my door, I nearly fall out because of the incline. Not a great start, but that’s ok.
I walk around a little and am thrown off completely by the uneven terrain. (It’s an equilibrium issue I have) At this point I am quite wobbly and a little dizzy, so I just can’t bring myself to walk the 1/4 mile trail to the base of the waterfall. So, that’s ok. Regroup. I’ll just go to Waterfall Y. I know where that is and I can walk right up to it.
As I walk back to my truck, there are three adventurists heading toward the trail. A man, woman, and what I can only guess is his 80 year old grandmother!! As I climb into my practically on its side truck, all I can do is shake my head, “Well played universe, rub it in.”
Not to be discouraged, I ride my brakes down the gravel road back to town.
Nothing looks the same as what I remembered fondly about this place. It’s crowded, warmer than usual, and the streets are uneven as well. It is literally a ravine that made itself into a town by climbing it’s way up the mountain on each side.
Traffic is moving slowly, people are walking down the tilted sidewalks as if they are enjoying themselves, and I am severely uncomfortable!!
I arrive to where I think Waterfall Y is supposed to be, but it’s different too! Yet another 1/4 mile hike straight up! Shit! I know there used to be another way.
I then take the scenic route up and around town, back where I started, back through the slow, leisurely pace of downtown. Further now, to a sign that points to the waterfall. Ok, this is it. I will find my water whisperer and all will be well.
This leads me to another gravel road with an incline similar to that of a roller coaster. I start up it, tires peeling out, searching for traction. Seriously?!
Not wanting to end up on a 3 hour scenic by-way, I bail on the first turn around. Throwing in the towel. I’m crying Uncle. Waving the white flag. I’m going home.
So I know you were expecting a happy ending, a conquest of fears, and an incredible outcome. To be honest, so was I.
But all was not lost on this trip. I could have beat myself up on the way home. I could have felt defeated. I could have convinced myself that I shouldn’t try.
In some ass backwards sort of way, I realized that things aren’t always the way they seem. Things aren’t always the way you remembered.
What I once thought was some magical place, was just, well, a place. Which can be said about my thoughts and bad memories. Those were just events. They were an experience. What makes it bad, is the story I gave it.
This trip wasn’t the soul singing, chain breaking, spirit freeing moment I intended. But I went. I took the step and I changed my story. Maybe next time I’ll bypass the trail and swing from the branches.
In love and light
