Why is it, when things are going well…
When everything you’ve always wanted is standing right in front of you…
When your wishes and dreams can come true…
That is when fear decides to raise its ugly head.
Is it because all of those things remove you from your reality as you know it? Whether your reality is good or bad or somewhere in between, at least you know what to expect from it. You know how to navigate it.
Is it because now you have something to lose? Can you handle the disappointment, the let down, the agonizing heartbreak (once again) if you lose it all?
Is it because you don’t think you are worthy or deserve it? And why is that? Who says? What ever gave you the idea that you deserve less than what you’ve always wanted? And why have you always reached for and settled for things that were so small?
Is it just plain self sabotage? You tell yourself, ‘Let’s just break this possibility before it breaks me.’
Is it simply because you’ve made it out to be so much more than it actually is? With that, comes so much pressure. What happens when reality sinks in? What happens when things aren’t perfect…when you’re not perfect? What if it’s not enough? What if you’re not enough?
Unfortunately, I don’t have the answers to these questions. I , myself, have fallen off course. But I do know, I’m not that far off course. I do know that these are just thoughts. Irrational thoughts maybe, and they don’t hold any truth. This is also the time that I know I need to honor myself, and these irrational thoughts and fears. Honor that they are very real for me. This is the time that I need to take a step back. A time to find my center of gravity. Allow myself to re- align with who I truly am. Get back on course. Not to fix a problem or even say that I have a problem, but just to simply allow space to let things naturally resolve themselves.
It might also be helpful to acknowledge that I am in the process of breaking down barriers and long held beliefs or patterns. To realize that I am not going backwards, but maybe just shedding another layer or two that will allow me to escalate to the next level. Hopefully once and for all, leaving behind what I used to know and all the pain that goes with it!
Fear can be very convincing and very debilitating. Fear can make you believe things that aren’t true. Fear can confuse your reality.
If we can allow ourselves to see through all the muck and the mud, see ourselves as valuable, worthy and capable, we can also allow ourselves to deflect those fears and insecurities, and the doubts that keep us stuck. Where finally, FINALLY, we can move forward with out the darkness and gloom, replacing it with excitement and hope for what’s to come. All the good we deserve to have and never allowed ourselves to see. Opening up to possibilities that we may have previously rejected.
Can you imagine the life you could have, if you knew you deserved to have it? And guess what? You do!! We all do! How remarkable!!
In love and light,
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