I have been running away from and towards things at the same velocity my whole life! With one foot on the gas and one on the brake. Running at full speed with a chain around my waist that’s bolted to a slab of concrete.
I have wants. I have desires. I have a longing for more. Every ounce of my being is aching for passion, to give in to reckless abandon. Cut the chains and limitations that hold me back. Forego all rules and responsibility.
I want more fulfillment. I want more connection. I want these things, but I am so terrified to let myself have them. Why? What am I so afraid of? I want so badly to give in to every whim, every desire, but there are so many rules, so much structure, so many consequences and judgements. Do you go with pleasure and forget the pain? Do you do what feels right even when it’s wrong?
I learned very early on that when you live without guidelines, bad things happen. People get hurt, I get hurt. Things happen that feel like punishment, in forms of abuse, a diagnosis, divorce, an accident, decades of anxiety and health issues.
Therefore, through habit, and maybe a sense of security, every time I feel the urge to act on a whim, this voice inside my head says, “you shouldn’t…or what if…? ”
How do you sort through the mess of life?
At what point do you stop doing everything you “should” do and start doing what you want?
Most of us want to be good people. We want to do the right thing, treat people well, respect others and have all these things shown to us in return.
I am not saying that I have bad thoughts or any malicious intent. I would never do anything to harm myself or anyone else!
I’m just saying there comes a time when you say ENOUGH!! This is my life and no one else’s. I should live it for me!
A time to stop regulating everything I do. Stop focusing on what I should and shouldn’t do, and more on doing what I want.
I believe there is a delicate balance of being able to give yourself everything you’ve ever wanted, without stepping on anyone, or treating anyone badly.
All you need is a set direction for where you want to go and what you want to do, a personal boundary to allow yourself to stay on course, and a clarity that is easily expressed to yourself and others.
Not everyone will be able to be a part of this journey with you and that’s okay. Some people will respect and honor your path and that’s good too.
Most importantly, is that you are true to yourself. Allow yourself to break a few rules. (I’m not talking about the law here 🙂 ) Make a few mistakes. Get out of your own way. Take your foot off the brake, and cut the chain that holds you back.
It’s time to set yourself free.
In love and light,
well written really liked the quotes and pictures inspiring and thought provoking
Thank you! I appreciate your feedback.
I love this post. I feel this way often and have been working to set myself free and live the life I want to live. Everything you referred to finds me in that very place that keeps my “contained”. Sometimes we just need permission to just be. Thank you
Thank you for sharing Adrienne. I think we could both start with giving ourselves permission! Love and light to you!
My life has been one great adventure of saying yes. There were those who tried to mold me into a stiff upper lip kind of Englishman, but I was a creative. It was this path that gave me the poetry of my life, my lyrics and music. Be true to yourself.
I love that Clive! Way to stay on your path. We could analyze forever why it comes naturally to some, when others have to work so hard at it! Keep creating!