I have lived with anxiety for most of my life. Although, I have come leaps and bounds with it in the last few years, I know it lurks in the shadows. For those of you that struggle with anxiety and depression, know how debilitating that can be. When I am in a state of despair, I tend to close myself off.
I go into self preservation mode. I start building the walls of my comfort zone with the strongest substance I can find. I build them high and I build them close. I detach from people, and the things I enjoy. I convince myself this will protect me from everything that doesn’t feel safe, or out of my control.
While this may help me calm down, lessen the panic and feel once again in control, this should only be a temporary solution.
It is important to give myself some time and space. To allow myself a little room to release my feelings of stress, panic and the fight or flight response.
We are realizing more and more how unhealthy it is to stay in this state for too long and how much damage it can do physically, not to mention the mental crazy train I feel like I’m on.
Let’s face it, when I am in this state of panic, I am paralyzed. I am incapable of rational thought. It’s just not going to happen!
It is a wonderful thing to have a place of safety, a place I can be, a place to rest and recharge. But I know I have gotten waaaay too comfortable in my comfort zone. In here, I am free. I am at peace. I am strong and I can handle anything!! But when the opportunity arises to actually live my life, there is not a power strong enough to remove those well worn slippers and cozy blanket I’ve cocooned myself in.
Now, there is nothing wrong with having preferences. Maybe I prefer a night in with a good chick flick to a night out at a crowded bar…but when my preferences become excuses that keep me confined to the four walls I’ve created, rather than living a life to my full potential…It’s time to re-think my choices.
Maybe it’s time to push myself just a little bit. Instead of these close, super tall walls, maybe I put in a window. Let in some fresh air. Maybe under a different light I can see something new, something I may not of noticed before.
Maybe that window is taking a different route to work or breaking my morning or evening routine with something different I enjoy.
Then maybe that window becomes an open door and walking outside.
Maybe that door is taking a class, meeting someone new, or going somewhere I’ve never been.
Starting small is key. I have to allow myself to slowly acclimate to something I’m not used to.
I think we can all relate to the initial shock of getting into a cold pool or lake on a hot summer day. Sure, some people can jump, dive or canon ball right in and absorb the shock all at once. I have come to terms that I am not one of those people. I need to take it in bite sized pieces allowing my body to adjust, as the shock gets less intense and the adjustment time quickens.
It’s the same with the nervous system. If I were anxious about social situations and my first move was to go to a loud, crowded party with tons of people, that could be such a massive overload to my system. It could send me straight back to the safety of my four walls, saying to myself, “This is why I never do things…I’m not safe out here!” I then would close the door, and the blinds on my window, nestling into my tiny world, vowing to never leave it again.
Don’t get me wrong, you can live a very content , happy life inside that cocoon. Especially if it is decorated nice and has good food!
I am very comfortable with myself and enjoy my own company. But I am also aware that I am limited.
That the fear of the unknown cripples me at times from experiencing all the possibilities that life has to offer.
And the fact that I could be just a few baby steps away from happy and content, to living a life of freedom and extraordinary opportunities, sounds pretty wonderful and terrifying to me!! I think, it just might be worth it!
There is so much out there waiting to be experienced and enjoyed. And in doing so, these things could turn out to be something better than I could have ever imagined! It really would be a shame to watch that pass by.
This week I’ll be doing just that, so watch for my next post on Baby steps.
In the meantime, open that window!
In love and light
