Category: Relationships

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Relationships can be hard

wait a lifetime for someone

Relationships can be hard…

I spent a lot of time convincing myself why the relationship I was in, was what I wanted. Why I should try harder… Why I should stay.
Relationships have a way of making you think something is wrong with you. I think women especially, have a tendency to think that way. We have a tendency to hold onto hope. For a vision of how we want it to be, how we think it should be and ignore how it actually is.
We hold onto seeing the potential vs. the reality. Potential, that the other may not even see, let alone have any intention of fulfilling. It isn’t even fair to them, to paint them into a picture, that they don’t want, or are even capable of being in.
We make excuses and talk ourselves into things because, Damnit, we want it to work! Not paying attention to the glaring truth that it’s not.
Maybe you aren’t valued or appreciated.

Maybe you’re being physically or emotionally abused or treated poorly.

Maybe the reason you got together made sense at the time, but doesn’t anymore. Sometimes we get entangled with someone for one reason and we try to make it be for that reason forever, when it wasn’t meant to.
People are meant to grow, change and evolve. I think it’s great and possible to grow together, if you are both willing and can own your part in it. But I think most just stay stuck and pretend it’s something when it’s not.
I think the heart always knows. We just need to learn to listen to it. Be honest with ourselves about our value and worth. About what we want and what we don’t.
It hurts me to know how much time I spent believing in someone’s potential instead of their actions. I won’t say it was a waste of time, because I learned a lot. About myself, about relationships, about looking within and doing my own inner work. Which opened me up to receive something profound.
All of that got me to a point of knowing my worth and realizing the difference between actual and potential, hope and denial, struggle and ease.
Which is an important step that lead me to know without a doubt, I was with someone real, who was meant to be, for all the right reasons. Seeing now that it is possible to be in a relationship where you are loved and accepted for who you are. Where you don’t have to make excuses for them, or for yourself and why you’re still there. It can be supportive and safe, beautiful and effortless.

When finally what I waited a lifetime to find, I was able to find in a moment with someone else.
In love and light and finding your moment!

unfilteredsunshine,lovandlightsignature

I would love to hear your thoughts and feedback.

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Do You Believe in Karma?

karma, how you react is yours

Ahhh.. Karma..

What goes around, comes around…

You never win playing dirty..

And of course, the famous declaration of Karma is a bitch…right?

I have a love/hate relationship with the use of the word karma.

I find it hilarious actually, that the ones that hide behind the stance of karma is a bitch, are usually the ones that have the most vicious kind coming to them.

They believe by saying it, loudly, at someone’s behavior, it’ll somehow bypass them, by pointing the blame at someone else.
“She did it!!!”
Like a 3 year old kid, directing karma where to go. Ha Ha.
I’m not sure that’s how it works…
However, that being said, I do believe karma is real.
Good things do happen to good people, not to those that just pretend to be.

Sometimes, those most deserving of a good dose of karmic punishment, don’t ever seem to get it. At least in our eyes. But that’s not our call. It’s not up to us. We can’t be sitting around and waiting, trying to tip the scale of karmic justice.
So instead, I choose to believe in kindness.

I believe in love.

I believe in trying to do your best and be your best every day.

I believe in inspiration and uplifting others.

I believe in allowing people to be who they are.

And the beautiful thing is, I believe we always have a choice on who gets to be in our lives, and who doesn’t. Therefore, removing the need to be the karma police.
So, whether you believe in karma or not…Or feel you have been designated as the authority on who goes to karma purgatory…Or you feel like karma has something against you..
It’s never too late to be kind, to yourself and others. To see the humanness in everyone. To start attracting the things you want in your life .And just trying to BE better, every day and in every way.
In love and light

unfilteredsunshine,lovandlightsignature
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Time Decides Who You Meet in Your Life

time decides, heart, behavior, meet, want, stay in your life

Time decides who you meet in your life,

Your heart decides who you want in your life,

Your behavior decides who stays in your life.

~Ziad K. Abdelnour

timedecideswhoyoumeetinyourlife

Time..

There are certain people you meet at certain times or stages in your life. People you need in that moment. People that support you. People that test you, and people that teach you.

The saying that you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince, is also true.

You learn along the way what you do and do not want. You learn what’s important to you. You become clear on what you will and will not tolerate. That goes for all relationships, romantic, friendships, and acquaintances. Even how you are treated by the person at the grocery store!

So yes, it takes time to experience all the lessons and learn from each person you meet. When you get to the point of knowing who you are and are clear of what you want, time allows your heart to open for the most profound relationships to enter.

the heart decides who you want in your life

The Heart…

The heart has it’s own process. Throughout life, your heart takes a beating. First loves, heartbreaks, rejections, beginnings and endings, devastations and loss, profound love and joy, to name a few.

We experience a roller coaster of emotions. It’s no wonder we build walls around our hearts. For protection, for our survival, to keep us safe. We start becoming very guarded and picky about who we allow into our hearts and our lives. The more we learn to trust ourselves, the more we allow our hearts to open to the people that can hold it safely. Your heart always knows what it wants. The challenge is in learning to trust it.

your behavior decides who stays in your life

Behavior…

After time, and learning to open and trust your heart, you have brought these people to you, that you want or need on some level. This is where you truly appreciate those that enrich your life. Acknowledging and recognizing where you can take responsibility for yourself, your “stuff,” and not project it onto them.

Wounds are going to come up. Relationships are a surefire way to present triggers, and for past “crap” to reappear. It’s what we do with that, determines how well our relationships can thrive. You have to meet each other where you are. Allow, grow, and accept each other just as you are. Learning to know, and be honest with yourself, and them, about who that is.

Slapping others with your expectations and demands, is not healthy. Not seeing them as your equal, is not healthy. Having to walk on eggshells because you don’t know what’s going to set them off, is not healthy. Not appreciating each other, is not healthy.

Relationships are about love, honesty, and respect. Allowing the other to be free to be themselves. Truly appreciating them for who they are, how they are, and the many blessings they bring into your life.

In love and light!

unfilteredsunshine,lovandlightsignature
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Committed to Crazy

specific kind of crazy, committed

Oh my God! Isn’t that the truth?

When I first saw this quote, I just had to laugh….Hard!
We all know that someone or maybe several someones that just make you shake your head and say…Really??! But they’re really committed to it, so it’s like, Wow! At least they’re really good at something!
To understand someone’s mind is not something easily done. So you might as well just stop trying.
Let’s face it, there are some delusional, hateful, hurtful and narcissistic people out there. People who lie to get what they want. Even worse, the ones that believe their own lies and manipulate others to better themselves.
It’s hard to be the bigger person when you have people like that around you. I know, because I had to deal with some very judgmental, very delusional, and hateful people strongly in my face the last couple years. I saw first hand how ugly people can be.

I experienced the whole handbag of vicious behavior, from stalking, to defamation of character, invasion of privacy, threats, lies, deceit, manipulation, egotistical control.. just to name a few… Lol. That handbag apparently had no bottom to it!
The list could go on and on, but it was a series of non stop, repugnant behavior, yes, repugnant. That’s a strong word. An awful, but beautiful word that encapsulates the picture I’m trying to paint.
Even after all of that, I think the hardest part was watching the tsunami of pain and anger affect the innocent ones, the distasteful way they hurt family and friends. I can take a bit of crazy, but that’s a low blow. It truly broke my heart. Taking friends, family, and everyone down around them with their pain.
Which is what all of that is about anyway. They are acting from their own pain, their own insecurities. It’s not about me. They may not be able to see their own stuff, or know how to take responsibility for it. That’s all they know. I do believe everyone does the best they can with what they know.
So, moral of the story, you may not like or understand the specific kind of crazy in your life or out in the world, but that is not your business, that is not your problem. It starts with you. Be what you want to see in the world. Be someone you can be proud of. Admire their commitment to their crazy and use it for inspiration to combat it with equal velocity of love, kindness and beauty.

In love and light!

unfilteredsunshine,lovandlightsignature

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How I Keep My Guy Healthy

keeping healthy with celery

Since I have been home these last couple of months, I’ve been able to reprioritize my life. I’ve been doing more beneficial things for myself, such as:

  • Self Care Practices
  • Creating soothing and comforting spaces in and around my home
  • Writing more
  • Eating and expanding my healthy food choices to keep David’s and my immune system strong.
my guy off to work, feeling healthy

David’s day usually starts at 1 am and he works 12-14 hours a day.

Before our paths crossed he would survive on coffee and sunflower seeds until dinner…

how I keep my guy healthy by cutting veggies

Not anymore!!

Not on my watch!

So now, every Sunday (usually) I dedicate a couple hours to washing, prepping and cutting up vegetables

making breakfast oats

cold brewing green tea with fresh ginger,

and making a plan for his well rounded lunch.

I usually try to incorporate 3-4 servings of vegetables, 1 or 2 fruits, a grain (oats), a protein and a healthy fat.

Chicken, turkey and avocado, chicken or tuna salad, nuts or peanut butter with his celery are my usual go-tos for the protein and healthy fats.

The green tea provides him with beneficial antioxidants.

veggies keep my guy healthy

All of that sums up to be vitamin and nutrient rich deliciousness with sustainability to get him through his day.

And he loves me for it, because he feels amazing!

Now before you go off to accuse me of being a 1950’s housewife, where a woman’s place is barefoot and in the kitchen…

barefoot housewife, keeping my guy healthy

I can almost hear the screams of the equal rights and girl power activists now…I do it because I want to. Not because it’s expected of me or I have to.

It feels good to take care of and keep my guy healthy in that way. He takes care of me in so many ways. We take care of each other. Healthy bodies, healthy minds and a healthy relationship. It doesn’t get much better than that!

me and my guy, keeping healthy

In love and light and care for our loved ones!

unfilteredsunshine,lovandlightsignature

You can find recipes for my breakfast oats here.

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A Guarded Girl

Loving a guarded girl
Life brings us challenges and lessons and moments that may harden us or cause us to throw up walls.
We learn to protect our hearts.
We become independent and rely on our own abilities and resources.
We realize that everything we need is within us, not out “there”.
We become very particular in what or whom we allow into our world.
 
If we can use this as a strength, and still keep our hearts open,
and come at life from a place of being complete, rather than from lack or need,
we may find that our life is filled with choices and desires,
rather than desperation to fill an empty void.
 
When people and things of substance come our way,
we can recognize true potential, rather than settling for bread crumbs and hopes for potential.
 
We can be choosy, because we don’t need anyone.
We choose them.
And if we choose them, then they must know,
to be let into the heart of a guarded girl,
is not a decision to be taken lightly.
We see you, and you are worth it!
Finding someone that makes us want to break down our walls,
is an undeniable feeling.
It is raw, beautiful and the purest love of all.
We have so much love to give, we just have no desire in wasting it on someone that can’t hold it and cherish it.
 
So be independent.
Be picky.
Be complete.
Be guarded, but keep our hearts open.
 
Be open to choosing what we want, not out of need, but out of desire. And watch how a whole new world of healthy, so much better for us, choices open up!
 
In love and light!
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When Fear Raises Its Ugly Head

Fear raises Its ugly head

Why is it, when things are going well…

When everything you’ve always wanted is standing right in front of you…

When your wishes and dreams can come true…

That is when fear decides to raise its ugly head.

Ugly Head

Is it because all of those things remove you from your reality as you know it? Whether your reality is good or bad or somewhere in between, at least you know what to expect from it. You know how to navigate it.

Is it because now you have something to lose? Can you handle the disappointment, the let down, the agonizing heartbreak (once again) if you lose it all?

Is it because you don’t think you are worthy or deserve it? And why is that? Who says? What ever gave you the idea that you deserve less than what you’ve always wanted? And why have you always reached for and settled for things that were so small?

Fear, You decide You're good enough for you

Is it just plain self sabotage? You tell yourself, ‘Let’s just break this possibility before it breaks me.’

Is it simply because you’ve made it out to be so much more than it actually is? With that, comes so much pressure. What happens when reality sinks in? What happens when things aren’t perfect…when you’re not perfect? What if it’s not enough? What if you’re not enough?

Unfortunately, I don’t have the answers to these questions. I , myself, have fallen off course. But I do know, I’m not that far off course. I do know that these are just thoughts. Irrational thoughts maybe, and they don’t hold any truth. This is also the time that I know I need to honor myself, and these irrational thoughts and fears. Honor that they are very real for me. This is the time that I need to take a step back. A time to find my center of gravity. Allow myself to re- align with who I truly am. Get back on course. Not to fix a problem or even say that I have a problem, but just to simply allow space to let things naturally resolve themselves.

It might also be helpful to acknowledge that I am in the process of breaking down barriers and long held beliefs or patterns. To realize that I am not going backwards, but maybe just shedding another layer or two that will allow me to escalate to the next level. Hopefully once and for all, leaving behind what I used to know and all the pain that goes with it!

Fear can be very convincing and very debilitating. Fear can make you believe things that aren’t true. Fear can confuse your reality.

believe in the good things coming when fear raises

If we can allow ourselves to see through all the muck and the mud, see ourselves as valuable, worthy and capable, we can also allow ourselves to deflect those fears and insecurities, and the doubts that keep us stuck. Where finally, FINALLY, we can move forward with out the darkness and gloom, replacing it with excitement and hope for what’s to come. All the good we deserve to have and never allowed ourselves to see. Opening up to possibilities that we may have previously rejected.

Can you imagine the life you could have, if you knew you deserved to have it? And guess what? You do!! We all do! How remarkable!!

In love and light,

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Set Yourself Free

Life is Short, set yourself free

I have been running away from and towards things at the same velocity my whole life!  With one foot on the gas and one on the brake.  Running at full speed with a chain around my waist that’s bolted to a slab of concrete.

fly and be free

I have wants.  I have desires.  I have a longing for more.  Every ounce of my being is aching for passion, to give in to reckless abandon.  Cut the chains and limitations that hold me back.  Forego all rules and responsibility.

Continue reading “Set Yourself Free”

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Daddy Issues

Daddy's Girl

A father is supposed to be a man you can look up to, someone you admire.  For a girl, your daddy is someone that treats you like a princess, someone who loves you and comforts you.  A girls’ dad is the foundation of what the man of your dreams should look like, act like, and how they should treat you.

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What is Going On in the Dating World?!

the heart decides who you want

Being a hopeless romantic in a hookup culture is a special kind of hell

I am not a dater.  I never have been, and probably never will be.  I’ve always been the relationship girl.  That’s what we used to do.  If you like someone, then you’re together.  End of story…  Not anymore.

I am at that weird stage of being too old to understand the hook up scenario, too young to be exposed to the chivalry era and smack dab in the middle of what the hell is going on?!

Continue reading “What is Going On in the Dating World?!”